This past weekend 40 men’s leaders and 6 women answered the call to be a part of the Evolving Men’s Conference. The context? Some of us thought it was to “evolve masculinity.” For others, the hope was to plan a bigger conference next year. Others didn’t know what the context was.

I visioned this conference with a few very bold expectations (the other men had their own wants as well, some the same, some different. These were just mine).

1. I wanted to get male leaders to collaborate.
2. Originally I wanted a bigger conference in 2011 but many folks told me to drop this pre-conference and see what the other men wanted. I acquiesced.
3. I wanted to have us birth a single, new masculine paradigm that we could all rally around and get behind.
4. I wanted us to evolve masculinity in a tangible way.
5. I wanted women to help us with this bold agenda.
6. I wanted to share how the deep feminine would be pivotal in the new masculine way moving forward.

Number 1 and 5 were the only expectations that were met. The rest were dropped. As Bill Harryman said in an email to me: “it wasn’t at all what I wanted or expected, but it was EXACTLY what I needed.” And further, I would add, I think almost everyone received what they needed, and not necessarily what they wanted.

We had lively discussions about the masculine and feminine within us and outside of us. We engaged in conflict, told the truth, held back, cried, laughed, danced, listened deeply, co-created, did business, and finally took some action.

What emerged was far better than what I had hoped for.  Without giving you the blow by blow, here are some highlights and what I believe is emerging:

1. Men’s work is dead. The old way we have been doing and selling men’s work is toast and no longer sustainable. Some men will continue to “do men’s work” and even call it that. For me, the associations are too linked to the past of “wound worship” and drama.  Men’s work has been synonymous with support, therapy, and other “wimpy” stuff most men simply don’t buy, nor are they interested in hearing about it.

Moving forward, most of the men there will be “selling” their product and services with a lot more awareness (see below). To me, this is a huge win because ultimately it will mean more men are drawn to inner work through channels and subjects that actually interest them.

Whether or not men’s work continues, remains to be seen.

2. Many seeds were planted instead of one. Instead of birthing a monolithic new paradigm about masculinity that we should all follow or rally behind, what came forth was many men carrying their own inspiration to follow what matters most to them!  No one single vision emerged. Several themes emerged that I believe will see some follow through. For example, reaching men through fatherhood, creative entrepreneurship, networking business events, and a global men’s network.

One highly charged break-out group discussed masculinity, privilege, and culture in depth and there may be more that comes from that conversation.

3. Telling the truth by being oneself. Most men did agree that transparency outside of “men’s weekends” and the privacy of their own home is a good edge to explore. Being truly genuine, off-line and online all the time, is what will show men that it’s okay to tell the truth. I trust it will give more and more men “permission” to be honest about their real life challenges. We must make it compelling by demonstrating in public that we can be super honest about our lives—the highs and the lows without coming across as wounded or broken.

By not talking about ourselves in an honest way all the time, we continue to give our parents and our culture power over us.  If we subscribe to the notion that “it’s personal and private” we rob others the opportunity to know and even consider that it’s okay to talk about what is really going on.  When men see another man “being real” and opening up, it invites and inspires him to do the same.

For example, I had my own personal process that was quite intense. I raged, I screamed, I cried. For better or worse, it opened the door for other men to do the same during the conference.

4. Including women. By including women in this weekend, most of the men realized the shear wisdom and value of having our sisters help us move forward both together and separately. Women are a critical part of men expanding and the women at our conference held up the mirror with grace and deep support. Morever, men must realize that women still have the purchasing power in this country. Many men come to find men’s work through the women in their life. Without women, we are sunk.

5. Being okay with not having a clue. Having several men, many of whom were elders who have done men’s work for many years say by the end of the conference, “I don’t know anything” was a big shift. For the older generation of men to embrace the new and to embrace the unknown is the necessary open door for whatever needs to emerge next.

6. Basic marketing. Throughout the weekend, all of us were challenged to drop the touchy-feely, spiritual jargon that we use to “sell” our products and services and instead repurpose our language in order to meet men where they are at with their genuine wants and desires rather than what we think they need (marketing 101). Using “men’s work” to help men open their eyes, simply does not work. Basic market research of everyday men interested in our unique niche will be a critical step moving forward. To assume that I think I know what men want or need is simply naïve of me.

For example, Seth Braun and Marc Quinn are looking to reach men through creative entrepreneurship and helping men implement their life’s purpose successfully by learning how to be an entrepreneur.

7. Global Men’s Network. This is quite possibly the most far-reaching outcome of the weekend and what the Evolving Men’s Conference may morph into. Christopher Kyle, perhaps myself, and a few other men are committed to taking on a large umbrella organization that could oversee men’s organizations and perhaps each year may hold a men’s leadership council to collaborate and share best practices, leverage collective wisdom, and to further the consciousness of men everywhere.

8. Collaboration. I learned that collaboration is hard and it takes some effort. I understand why sometimes I would rather work alone. Going it alone can seem easier at times. I began planning this conference last winter and enlisted a team to collaborate with me. The facilitation team of 7 men that slowly assembled was extraordinary.  I’ve never facilitated anything with seven other men. By the end, we were like family.  As the weekend wore on, the facilitation team grew to include several other men eager to contribute.  Over ten of us ended up steering the large group and other leaders drove their conversations in smaller groups.

It really took letting go of the reins and opening up to other strong minds and hearts to allow seven-ten of us to complete the weekend. This was frustrating for some. One man commented that there were too many cooks in the kitchen. Another man thought the facilitation sucked and that he could do a far better job. For me, in the end, I think we kicked ass and I was trusting that what was happening was right on, however imperfect and sloppy we were at times. We modeled collaboration among men quite well!

That’s about it! I’m sure other men had other insights, so please share below if you were there. Or, send me over what you got and I can add it here.

Men gathering in circle will never die. Men coming together to heal, laugh, fart, cry, and rage consciously is one of the most powerful forms of communication, listening, and witnessing that I am aware of. We men will always do this. How we open our circles to new men is the issue and I am prepared to let go of men’s work as I know it in order to do that.

Just Discover This Website? Click here to see Jayson’s original video invitation a few months ago.

Timeline With Important Dates:

-Now Until The Build The Foundation Weekend, We Invite You To Engage! Attendees are encouraged to reach out to each other (2 or 3 men) and build rapport/relationship before the weekend. See Attendee Contact List sent September 8th by accessing the Google doc. sent in a separate e-mail.

-Sept 13th @ 6PM MT-Survey Feedback-We are asking Attendees to complete the Build The Foundation Weekend Survey by the 13th at 6PM Mt. Access your September 8th Weekly Update e-mail for the survey link.

-Sept 13th @ 6PM Mt-Deadline For Bio Brochure Information-Attendees submit their biography summary/photo. Click here to see the instructions.

-Sept 13th @ 6PM Mt-Application Deadline-For those who haven’t received a personal invitation via e-mail, you can apply here. (Attendees, feel free to tell your friends/associates who might want to apply to visit www.EvolvingMensConference.com)

-Sept 16th-Large Group Call-Attendee/Invitee Interactive Pre Conference Prep. Watch for the call instruction e-mail.

-Sept 17th-Admission Fee Deadline @ 6PM Mt-Payment deadline for invitees or approved applicants.

-Sept 23rd-Friday Night Social-Optional kick-off for Attendees from 5-8PM at Jayson’s house.

-Sept 24th and 25th- Build The Foundation Weekend

Here are the men making this conference happen behind the scenes. These men meet weekly over the phone and are busy planning and prepping for the EMC.

Jayson Gaddis

Jayson Gaddis, Licensed Professional Counselor, is a part time stay-at-home dadpreneur, blogger, men’s visionary, and urban shaman who is helping foster in a new masculine paradigm. He is committed to love, consciousness, and truth in all men everywhere. Jayson is founder and chief visionary of the Evolving Men’s Conference. You can reach him at http://jaysongaddis.com

Marc Quinn

Marc Quinn is a co-founder of Man Collective. He joined because he believes that seeing more occurrences for men to go beyond themselves requires a strong organizational backbone spoken in an inclusive vocabulary. Marc is also hugely passionate about helping people explore ways out of pornography use. He blogs about porn addiction at http://mypornaddictionstory.com/

David Cates

David Cates has been bringing consciousness and healing to sex for over 40 years. He’s studied and taught sacred sexuality, trained and mentored sexual healers, and seen over a thousand clients in private practice. His new work applies the tools of conscious sexuality and evolving intimacy to men who are ready to reclaim their full power and step into the new masculine paradigm. www.dakacoach.com

Joshua Gribschaw-Beck

Joshua Gribschaw-Beck brings 4 years combined experience in the planning, set up and execution of top 20 market on-site/on-air radio promotions along with an additional 4+ years experience of “conscious”customer service and sales/recruiting to the EMC-Build The Foundation Project Manager position. With an ongoing passion and commitment for self development, Joshua has completed the Jayson Gaddis Men’s Leadership Training and other programs. 

Tom Daly

Tom Daly, PhD
Tom is a founder of The Men’s Leadership Alliance in Boulder and has led men’s groups, created hundreds workshops and training programs, and done rites of passage work for men of all ages since he began the Denver Area Men’s Network in 1979. Tom also trains facilitators and groups in Dynamic Dialogue, a collective practice for influencing and evolving the fundamental stories that groups and organizations live by. He is best known for his passion to create powerful containers for waking men up to their authentic male power and wholeness. Tom is a father, step-father, father-in-law, & grandfather.

Alex Linsley

Alex Linsley founded Man Collective-Oxford in October 2009, which went on to receive huge media attention in the UK and probably became the world’s most controversial men’s group in the process. He co-founded Man Collective after this experience to help drag, nudge and inspire other guys to evolve and live lives they care about without cutting themselves off from their masculinity.  Right now he spends his days finishing his degree at Oxford University and planning how he is going to start his own wine business. Alex is really excited (and pretty humbled) to be a part of the leadership team partly because he is super keen to learn and partly because he feels that focusing on how we communicate what we each do to other men is increasingly important and often lacking.

David Chang

David Chang serves as a life purpose coach, a marketing catalyst and visionary leader. Since completing his undergraduate degree from the Wharton School of U. Penn. David has consulted to hundreds of holistic practitioners, retreat centers, yoga studios, non-profits, and socially responsible businesses. He has worked with many organizations including the Institute of Noetic Sciences (IONS), Omega Institute of Holistic Studies, Center for Visionary Leadership, and the Campaign for a US Department of Peace. While at IONS, he co-founded the PartnerShift Alliance, a collaborative working group comprised of leaders in the consciousness, sustainability and social justice communities. David has also helped build the intergenerational movement in the US, co-founding two important events: INTERGEN and The Gathering of Emerging Leaders of All Ages. David often shares perspectives that serve as a bridge between the inner and the outer, the east and the west, as well as bridging spirituality, business and citizen participation.

Boulder, Colorado, July 17th, 2010- In the spirit of collaboration, Jayson Gaddis, men’s visionary, coach and contemporary psychology geek is pioneering a new nonprofit organization entitled The Evolving Men’s Conference. He’s inviting established leaders of men’s groups, fatherhood groups, and men’s organizations to contribute their wisdom, knowledge and experience this September 25th and 26th to the initial Evolving Men’s Conference-Build The Foundation Weekend. Participants will lay the groundwork for the first and ongoing annual Evolving Men’s Conference expected to launch in 2011. (see more text below video)

Jayson says, “Men often work in isolation yet many existing men’s groups and organizations have developed profound emotional, spiritual, and practical methods for bringing men out of that isolation and into action. As a result, these men live more fulfilling, impactful lives. But often the men’s organizations do the very thing they purport to frown upon—work in isolation, hide their challenges, and put on a mask.”

He and a group of men supporting the birth of a more unified effort intend to blast through that “tired paradigm”. They are engaging men’s leaders and organizations to practice collaboration and transparency, both hallmarks of the new and emerging masculine paradigm. They will model this behavior at the Build The Foundation Weekend and then continue doing so while serving up to 1000 men annually at the Evolving Men’s Conference. The Evolving Men’s Conference is expected to target men who seek tools, resources and support for their own personal evolution. The demographic will be further defined at the Build The Foundation Weekend.

On day 1 of the Build The Foundation Weekend, the men’s leaders will discuss, debate and come to general consensus on the state of man today. On day 2 they will continue working together to build plans for the 2011 Evolving Men’s Conference.

Participants of this September’s Build The Foundation Weekend will be in best position to not only receive an invitation to offer their wares at the annual Evolving Men’s Conference but will also be in position to influence the actual selection criteria for featured service providers for the conference in general. A steering committee will also be selected to make ongoing decisions for the management and direction of the conference.

Men’s leaders interested in participating at this year’s Build The Foundation Weekend on September 25th and 26th in Boulder, CO should visit http://evolvingmensconference.com/upcoming-events/ to learn more and/or apply.

Note: A witness panel of men who fit the likely Evolving Men’s Conference demographic will be present to give their input as the weekend unfolds. A few women leaders will contribute at the Build The Foundation Weekend as well.